The Secret to Raising a Reader: Why Confidence Matters More Than Skills

When your child sighs, groans, or says, “I hate reading”—it hits deep. It’s not just about the book in front of them—it’s about what they’re starting to believe about themselves as a reader.

In this episode of the Engaging Reluctant Readers Podcast, Ellen Westbrook shares how to help your child build confidence with reading—even when it feels like a struggle right now. You’ll learn how reader identity forms, why labels (even positive ones) can backfire, and the simple shifts that help kids start to see themselves as capable, growing readers.

What You’ll Learn:

☑️ Why reading confidence starts before skills are “mastered”

☑️ How small wins build momentum and motivation

☑️ Why labels (good or bad) can hurt more than help

☑️ Practical ways to invite reading—without pressure

☑️ How to make progress visible so kids believe in themselves

⏳ Key Episode Highlights:

[00:00:25] When your child says “I hate reading”—what’s really going on
[00:01:14] How reader identity forms long before fluency
[00:02:14] A real-life example of building confidence through space and support
[00:03:03] Why book choice (even “easy” books) matters
[00:04:29] Simple, low-pressure feedback that builds belief
[00:05:38] Why labels can backfire—and what to say instead
[00:06:01] Invite, don’t assign: fun, playful ways approach reading and grow confidence
[00:08:08] The one mindset shift that makes all the difference
[00:09:28] Sneak peek: next week’s episode on talking to teachers

[00:09:56] Upcoming Reset & Read Workshop

📖 Prefer to Read? Full blog post:  https://engagingreluctantreaders.com/2025/08/28/build-reading-confidence-kids/

📺 Prefer to Watch? YouTube video version:  https://youtu.be/keO5Wh7x26Y

✨ FREEBIE ALERT!
 Grab your Reading Stamina Tracker Kit—a kid-friendly tool to help your child see their progress and feel proud of their reading growth.
📥 Get it here → bit.ly/RSTrackerKit

🎟️ Reset & Read: A Live Workshop for Tired Parents of Reluctant Readers
 If reading time is already turning into a power struggle this school year, you’re not doing anything wrong—it just means it might be time for a reset.

Join me live on September 12 for a short, supportive workshop where you’ll learn how to rebuild your family’s reading rhythm—without the guilt, the logs, or the resistance.

🎯 Just $12 through September 9 → https://bit.ly/resetandread 

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It helps get this podcast out in front of more moms that need to hear it, so we can help more reluctant readers learn to love books and put an end to the nightly battles around reading!

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Chapters

• 0:25 When your child says “I hate reading”—what’s really going on
• 1:14 How reader identity forms long before fluency
• 2:14 A real-life example of building confidence through space and support
• 3:03 Why book choice (even "easy" books) matter
• 4:29 Simple, low-pressure feedback that builds belief
• 5:38 Why labels can backfire—and what to say instead
• 6:01 Invite, don’t assign: fun, playful ways approach reading and grow confidence
• 8:51 The one mindset shift that makes all the difference
• 10:11 Sneak peek: next week’s episode on talking to teachers
• 10:39 Reset & Read Workshop

Transcript

[00:00:00] Ellen: Welcome to the Engaging Reluctant Readers Podcast. I'm Ellen Westbrook, your host, and Recovering Reluctant Reader. Together, we'll tackle reading roadblocks with personalized strategies and out of the box ideas. All while rediscovering the joy of family reading fun. Ready to transform your child's view of reading from Dread to Must Be Read?

[00:00:18] Let's dive into today's episode. 

[00:00:25] You sit down for reading time, maybe just hoping for 10 minutes of reading bliss and your child sighs, groans, or says something like, "I hate reading" or "I'm just not good at this." And in that moment it feels like a punch to the gut, especially when you know how hard they're trying and how much you want reading to feel good for them.

[00:00:42] Deep down, you know, it's not just about the book, it's about what they're starting to believe about themselves. If you've ever felt unsure about how to respond when your child feels defeated about reading, or if you've ever wondered how to build them back up without turning it into a power struggle, this episode is for you.

[00:00:58] Today we're talking about how to raise a confident reader, even if reading is a challenge right now. We'll look at what really shapes a child's reading identity, how small wins lead to big breakthroughs and the practical ways you can help your child start to see themselves differently as someone who can read and might even want to.

[00:01:14] Because reading confidence doesn't just come from getting better at reading. It comes from believing that you belong in the world of books, even before it feels easy.

[00:01:21] We don't talk about this often enough, but kids start forming their reader identity long before they've mastered their reading skills. They pick up on the labels we say out loud, even the ones we don't mean to say at all. Over time, they start to tell themselves things like, I'm not smart, or reading isn't my thing, or they just quietly decide books aren't really for me.

[00:01:40] And it's not just the obviously negative stuff, even well-meaning labels like "You're such a good reader" or "You are so smart," can backfire. Kids might feel like they have to live up to those comments and when reading doesn't come easily, they start to feel like they've failed, like they've let someone down, or that maybe they were never a good reader to begin with.

[00:01:56] Because here's the thing, if a child has already decided that they're not a reader, they'll resist even when they can read. They'll avoid it, zone out, or just shut down the minute it feels hard. But here's the good news, reading confidence isn't about having perfect fluency or flying through chapter books. It's about helping our kids feel safe enough to try even when it's a little bumpy.

[00:02:14] Take Hunter for example. There have been times he's said things like, "I can't read" or "I'm not good at this" but I've noticed something interesting. When I offer to read out loud, he'll often start jumping in on his own with words he recognizes here and there, and if I follow his lead and just stay present, he starts jumping in more and more.

[00:02:31] By the middle of the book, he's taken over, not because I made him, but because he remembered he could. Sure. He'll still stumble sometimes, but that's okay. He's not performing. He's practicing. I'm not jumping into correct. I'm just giving him space to build belief in himself and get over the hump of starting that little bit of breathing room helps him rediscover his confidence at his own pace, on his own terms.

[00:02:51] Alright, now let's talk about the actual strategies that help build confidence in a way kids can feel because it's not enough just to tell them that they're doing great. They need moments that prove it to themselves, especially if reading feels hard right now.

[00:03:03] First up, let them choose what they wanna read.

[00:03:06] Now, I know it sounds simple but it's really easy to overlook when we're just trying to get them to read something. giving them the freedom to pick a book, even if it's a joke book, a comic, a cookbook, or a stack of graphic novels or something that feels totally random, it shifts the energy. It goes from, I have to read to hey, I picked this, and that little shift, it matters. When they feel like reading is their idea, not another grownup task or homework, they're way more likely to engage.

[00:03:32] If you want more help figuring out how to find books your child will actually want to read. Be sure to check out episode three where I went deep into finding their "just-right" books.

[00:03:40] And here's the thing, even a favorite series they've read five times can do wonders. JD's constantly rereading books, the Dragon Master series is one of his favorites, and Hunter loves it when JD reads to him.

[00:03:50] Over at my in-law's house, my mother-in-law has the full series downloaded on her Kindle, and instead of checking out on reading or going completely screen crazy while they're there, a couple times a month, they actually choose to reread those books before bed. No prompting, no reminders, just reading because they want to. It's become their natural rhythm. That's the kind of momentum we're looking for. And speaking of that, sometimes confidence starts by simply finishing a book.

[00:04:12] So, don't be afraid to start with books they can actually finish. Let them reread those old favorites or fly through something that feels "too easy" because there's no such thing. Finishing something builds rhythm. It helps kids trust that they can read a book from beginning to end, and that matters way more than checking off a reading level.

[00:04:29] Confidence also grows when kids can feel their own progress, so let them hear it too. You don't need a formal compliment. It can be something like, "That word used to trip you up, but you got it this time." Or "You stuck with that page even though it was a little tricky, nice work!" Or my favorite, just a simple, "I love listening to you read."

[00:04:46] The other night, hunter started off like he always does, just dipping his toe in, reading a word here or there while I read the rest. But by the end of the book, he'd taken over completely. I told him how proud I was and how much I loved hearing him read the story. I wish you could have seen it. His whole face lit up, that kind of feedback, it sticks.

[00:05:03] And if you wanna give them a way to see how far they've come, you can use the Reading Stamina Tracker Kit. You can use it to track how long their reading, how consistent their reading's been, or you can even adapt it to track how they feel about reading on different days.

[00:05:14] You can take the calendar style tracker and instead of recording how many minutes were read each day, use it to track their mood based on a color-coded scale from one to five. You can assign a color to each number and then ask them,

[00:05:26] "Was it a one kind of day where they hated it, or a five kind of day because they loved it?"

[00:05:30] Let them color it in, and watch over time, as the trend starts to shift. More fours and fives equals less resistance and more belief.

[00:05:38] Let's also talk about labels. Even the positive ones like, "You're such a fast reader" or "You're so smart" can end up making kids feel like they have something to prove every time they pick up a book. That kind of pressure can really backfire.

[00:05:49] Instead of focusing on how good, fast, or smart they are, focus on what they're doing. Like, "You really got into that story." Or "You figured that out without giving up." Simple, true, and no pressure.

[00:06:01] Now here's another shift that can really help. Invite, don't assign.

[00:06:04] Reading doesn't always need to come with a reminder, a plan or a goal attached to it. Sometimes I just leave a little book stack out and walk away, or I'll sit on the couch to read something I love just for me. And when kids see that, it plants a seed.

[00:06:16] I give them room to get bored. Seriously, some of the best reading starts when there's nothing else to do.

[00:06:21] It's okay to let them say no sometimes.

[00:06:22] Let them read in their own space. You don't have to hover. In fact, stepping back a little gives them the space to explore it in their own way.

[00:06:29] And one of my favorite ways to keep building that confidence, create moments where they feel like the expert. Have them explain a silly comic strip to you. Ask them what happened in the book they're reading. Let them teach you about some cool fact that they just learned.

[00:06:41] When my boys were deep into their dino phase, it was, "Hey, mom, guess what this Dino can do?" Or "You'll never believe which dino would win in a fight, it's not who you think." Those little flips in power are huge. They give your child a chance to think I know things. I get this. I'm a reader.

[00:06:56] You can also bring some play back into the reading experience, especially if it's starting to feel like a chore.

[00:07:01] Word games like Boggle, Bananagrams, even those silly rhyming games you make up in the car, they're doing a lot more than they seem. They build vocabulary, fluency, and even decoding skills. But the best part, when it doesn't feel like homework, kids lean in without the fight.

[00:07:15] And if your kid gets anxious about reading out loud, try this. Hand their favorite stuffed animal doll or let them read to a pet or a younger sibling. We call it "No Adults Allowed" reading at our house. It gives them a zero-pressure audience, and it works. No corrections, no hovering, just the sound of their own voice getting more comfortable, more fluent, more theirs.

[00:07:34] You can loop in other family members, older siblings, cousins, even grandparents, but just be sure to give 'em a little prep. Let them know. This isn't about correcting words or testing skills, it's about enjoying a story together. This time is about encouragement, connection, and story sharing.

[00:07:48] And one more thing. Let them see you stumble too, seriously. Read out loud once in a while and mess up a word, it doesn't have to be on purpose. In fact, chances are it will happen naturally, when it does say something like, "Oops, lemme try that again." You're modeling something important. That reading isn't about being perfect, you're human, and it's something you do for fun. Something to get lost in and connect with.

[00:08:08] So if there's one thing I hope that sticks from all this, it's this, reading doesn't have to be perfect to be powerful. It's not a test, it's an experience. And when we treat it that way, our kids start to believe that too.

[00:08:20] Reader identity doesn't just show up one day. It's built over time through everyday moments that don't always look like much from the outside, but those moments matter. When you leave books where your child can see them, bring up a story over dinner, or read together on the couch, or even just sit nearby flipping through your own book, you're showing them that reading has a place in your life and they notice. Even when they don't say anything.

[00:08:40] The way we talk about reading matters too, you might try something like, "In our house, we get curious about stories. We don't rush reading. We enjoy it." Or even, "We take our time with books here." No pressure to be perfect, just little quiet cues that shape how reading feels at home.

[00:08:54] If you're looking for more ideas, how to make books feel like a natural part of your family's rhythm, be sure to check out episode two. I've shared some super simple ways to create a book-friendly home, no charts or checklist required.

[00:09:04] And as your child starts to engage more with reading, don't forget they can't always see their growth, but you can show it to them. The Reading Stamina Tracker Kit is a great way to capture what's happening beneath the surface because confidence grows in the quiet moments. When they take a chance. When they try again. When they start to see themselves not as a kid who hates reading, but as someone who can, you're helping build that just by showing up and making reading feel like it belongs.

[00:09:28] Next week. We're talking about something that feels tricky for a lot of us. How to talk to your child's teacher about reading, without it feeling awkward or overwhelming.

[00:09:35] Whether you're worried about sounding too pushy, too emotional, or just not knowing the right words to use. We'll walk through what to say, how to say it and why you're more prepared for this than you think.

[00:09:45] It's not about confrontation, it's about connection and collaboration. I'm here to help you make those conversations feel calm, clear, and actually helpful for both you, your child, and their teacher. So be sure to tune in next week. 

[00:09:56] A quick note before I go. If reading resistance is already creeping in, you're not doing anything wrong, it might just be time for a reset. That's exactly what we'll work through in the Reset and Read Workshop, and I'd love to see you there.

[00:10:06] You can find all the details and the link to register in the description.

[00:10:11] Thanks so much for tuning into today's episode. If you're loving the engaging Reluctant Readers podcast, I'd be so grateful if you take a second to leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way to practical tools and feel good reading wins.

[00:10:24] And if today's episode got you thinking about how to visually show your child's growth as a reader, I've got just the thing. The Reading Stamina Tracker Kit is filled with flexible, kid friendly tools that help make reading progress feel real and even fun.

[00:10:36] Whether you're tracking how long they're reading, or how often they choose to read, or even how they feel about reading over time. This kit meets you right where you are. You can grab your free copy at bit.ly/RSTrackerKit it's the kind of support that helps reading feel more doable and a little more encouraging for everyone.

[00:10:53] Until next time, this is Ellen Westbrook, wishing you happy reading and confidence that builds one page at a time.